Monday, December 15, 2008


The Hot Stove has slowed to a barely detectable simmer.  In fact, the Oakland Athletics are working their Rolodex and calling pa$t volume group ticket buyer$, hoping to lock u$ in early for the 2009 $eas$on.  Bless their hearts, they understand the ticket selling power of PTown's Pro, Jonny Gome$.  I rounded up 500 fan$ from the 707 Area Code a few $ummer$ back to welcome Jonny home and did we make $ome noi$e.
Well, needless to say, my rep was mighty di$appointed to hear about Jonny's non-tendered $tatu$.

I told her to take control of her 2009 bonu$, march right on upstairs and remind Mr. Billy Beane that I pledged hundred$, if not thousand$ of North Bay $eason Ticket holder$ if he woulda just pulled the trigger on that Gome$ Trade a few years ago.  We PTown fan$ put our money where our mouth was. We flashed him signs from The Gomes Zone in 2007 but Billy doesn't like to watch the games and feel the love from Section 104 in his luxury box.  Instead, he was probably swearing at both teams from his treadmill. The Rays gave the A's fits that weekend.  Call me crazy Billy, but I think if you're fixin' to relocate the A's to a new stadium 45 minutes further away from  PTown, you've got to do something a little extra special to keep those North Bay fans a comin'. 

Mr. Beane, I present Free Agent Jonny Gomes.  You've got his stats, but he's a complicated onion with many layers. Here's some tangible proof that his intangibles will put more butts in seats than a lofty defensive Zone Rating.  And don't sweat the batting average thing. W-a-a-a-y overrated as a predictor of future $ea$on ticket $ale$. The Rays didn't even bother to throw righty BP to him this season so there is no credibility in that number whatsoever.  For a more representative sample, see his 2005 stats. A wise old coach told me that if we've seen it once, we know he can do it again.  Especially after he gets his eyes done this off season. Jonny would really like to sport the green and gold in 2009. I think we can get this deal done pretty quick.  He's open to that whole Minor League Contract thing, but then we'd have to talk a package deal with that Sonoma slugger Tommy Everidge who's stuck in Midland. And a couple other PTowners that have been tearin' it up in Indy Ball. You know how to reach me.

Don't sit on this offer too long. We're giving you first crack at Jonny, but AT&T Park is a pretty straight shot for hoards of North Bay Baseball Fans and Golden Gate Transit has already offered us an $FGiant$ Expre$$ bus on game day$.  And those garlic fries, well, they're awesome. 

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